Invalidating children39s feelings

Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, or diminish someone's feelings.

invalidating children39s feelings-46invalidating children39s feelings-61

To adapt to this unhealthy and dysfunctional environment, the working relationship between his thoughts and feelings becomes twisted.

His emotional responses, emotional management, and emotional development will likely be seriously, and perhaps permanently, impaired.

The emotional processes which worked for him as a child may begin to work against him as an adult. of Duke University supports the idea that invalidation leads to mental health problems.

In fact, one defintion of the so-called "borderline personality disorder" is "the normal response of a sensitive person to an invalidating environment" (2)Psychiatrist R. Laing said that when we invalidate people or deny their perceptions and personal experiences, we make mental invalids of them. He writes "...a history of emotion invalidation (i.e., a history of childhood psychological abuse and parental punishment, minimization, and distress in response to negative emotion) was significantly associated with emotion inhibition (i.e., ambivalence over emotional expression, thought suppression, and avoidant stress responses).

He found that when one's feelings are denied a person can be made to feel crazy even they are perfectly mentally healthy. Further, emotion inhibition significantly predicted psychological distress, including depression and anxiety symptoms.) (Reference)Invalidation goes beyond mere rejection by implying not only that our feelings are disapproved of, but that we are fundamentally abnormal.

This implies that there is something wrong with us because we aren't like everyone else; we are strange; we are different; we are weird. The more different from the mass norm a person is, for example, more intelligent or more sensitive, the more he is likely to be invalidated.When we are invalidated by having our feelings repudiated, we are attacked at the deepest level possible, since our feelings are the innermost expression of our individual identities.Telling a person she shouldn't feel the way she does feel is akin to telling water it shouldn't be wet, grass it shouldn't be green, or rocks they shouldn't be hard. Whether we like or understand someone's feelings, they are still real.Rejecting feelings is rejecting reality; it is to fight nature and may be called a crime against nature, "psychological murder", or "soul murder." Considering that trying to fight feelings, rather than accept them, is trying to fight all of nature, you can see why it is so frustrating, draining and futile. Let's look at the facts." Businesses, for example, and "professionals" are traditionally out of balance towards logic at the expense of emotions.A good guideline is: People with high IQ and low EQ tend to use logic to address emotional issues. This tends to alienate people and diminish their potential.Actually, all emotions do have a basis in reality, and feelings are facts, fleeting though they may be.

Tags: , ,